Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) review

28. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov

Produced by: Tim Burton, Timur Bekmambetov, Jim Lemley

Screenplay by: Seth Grahame-Smith

Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Marton Csonkas

The year 2012 had two very distinct movies inspired by President Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) in two different times in his life. One of them was “Lincoln,” directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Honest Abe in a performance that won him his third Academy Award. But in these marathons, we don’t talk about historical figures unless they’re fighting off monsters; this is “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” based on the mashup novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the screenplay. The plot involves Lincoln battling against a caste of vampiric slave owners, both before and during his presidency, which affects his efforts to abolish slavery during the outbreak of the American Civil War. It’s a cool premise, the music is good, and there are moments of style and flair, but the poor pacing, bland characters, and overuse of CGI end up sucking most of the life out of it.

We see a young Abraham (Lux Haney-Jardine), who lives with his parents Nancy (Robin McLeavy) and Thomas (Joseph Mawle), who works on a plantation. But after an incident where a slaver beats Abraham’s free African-American friend Will (Curtis Harris), Abraham intervenes, and Thomas is fired by owner Jack Barts (Marton Csokas); then later that night, Barts breaks into their home and kills Nancy. Thomas makes Abraham swear off vengeance, which he keeps until Thomas dies nine years later, when he hunts down Barts. However, he discovers that Barts is a vampire, nearly killing him until he’s saved by the mysterious Henry (Dominic Cooper), a vampire hunter who offers to teach him the craft. So in between meeting his wife Mary (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and starting his political career, Lincoln hunts vampires with a broad axe, discovering they’re descended from a powerful ancient vampire named Adam (Rufus Sewell) who owns a southern plantation, setting up an undead affair between Union and Confederate soldiers.

I admit it took a while for Benjamin Walker to feel at all believable as Lincoln, but he’s okay enough; he starts out just wanting revenge, and has to be convinced to put the greater good first. The first time we see him in the prosthetics, looking more how we recognize him in the presidential portrait, it’s somewhat jarring and awkward, but the longer they stay with it, you do grow to admire the detail. It reportedly took several hours each day for the crew to apply the make-up, and the dedication to the image of one of America’s greatest presidents really stands out. Seeing him twirl the axe around in his hand is really neat, and there are several shots of just his silhouette against a wooded backdrop that almost make it seem legitimate, like that’s President Lincoln going to war with the undead.

Unfortunately, minus the occasional sprinkling of a kick-ass concept, this isn’t nearly as fun as it should be, for several reasons. For starters, it’s clear from the beginning that this is going for more of a comic book vibe than traditional horror, which is fine, but the comic book elements aren’t that interesting, more built on cliches and gaudy spectacle. This is another post-“Avatar” film that was converted to 3D, and like most of its kind, it looks like shit. It just takes you out of it when so much of what you’re hanging your hat on—pun intended—looks murky, fake, and not creative. The most enjoyable action scene is when Lincoln is chasing Barts through this massive horse stampede, and that’s only because it’s so over-the-top and ridiculous; I’ve read that there were only supposed to be 16 horses, but an intern on the CGI team mistakenly coded 1.6 million horses, which is why there are so many. Whether it’s true or not, it is exactly the kind of insanity you want with a story like this, so it at least adds something memorable in a sea of blandness.

But I also don’t feel much for the characters; Lincoln’s relationship with Henry isn’t very unique, I usually like Mary Elizabeth Winstead, but Mary and Abe don’t have much chemistry, and they even got Anthony Mackie as adult Will, but he doesn’t leave much of an impact. At the same time, however, it’s hard to entirely blame the actors when so many scenes play like they’re on fast forward. I mean it, the pacing feels really rushed, like a lot of actual character moments were cut down in post-production. There’s a moment where Lincoln must tell his employer and friend Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) that he hunts vampires, and it’s completely narrated over. And from what I know about the book, a lot was changed in adaptation, like the addition of Adam and his sister Vadoma (Erin Wasson) for the sake of providing a villain, removal of real historical figures like Edgar Allen Poe, William Henry Seward and General George B. McClellan, and omission of full-on vampire war scenes.

I like the inclusion of Harriet Tubman (Jaqueline Fleming) to the mix, but all these choices only make “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” less engaging. Adam is not a very intimidating bad guy; all you need is scenes of battling vampires, so I say go all out with it. But even the Civil War—one of the most important conflicts in our country’s history—barely registers anything in the wow factor; it’s more about strategy and espionage, with the climax a dreary, dimly lit chase on a speeding train. I really wanted to love this movie, but I remember feeling underwhelmed the first time I saw it, and it’s only gotten worse on the rewatch. There was actually an Asylum “mockbuster” film the same year called “Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies” that I like more just because it allowed itself to just be a silly B-movie, rather than this dank, overly serious, occasionally entertaining, but mostly lackluster flick.

My rating: 4.5/10