Blair Witch (2016) review

23. Blair Witch (2016)

Directed by: Adam Wingard

Produced by: Roy Lee, Steven Schneider, Keith Calder, Jess Calder

Screenplay by: Simon Barrett

Starring: James Allen McCune, Callie Hernandez, Brandon Scott, Corbin Reid, Valorie Curry, Wes Robinson

“The Blair Witch Project” is a polarizing movie, to say the least; some call it a boring slog with unlikeable characters, while others call it a fascinatingly scary exercise in minimalist horror. I’m in the latter category; I love the slow burn, and its overall sense of tension and paranoia. Nevertheless, it became a landmark in independent filmmaking, and helped usher in the “found footage” craze. There was a traditional narrative sequel called “Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2” that’s only worth watching to marvel at its absurdity and lack of any nuance. Cut to a mere 16 years later, when found footage was starting to fade out, we get a trailer for what looked like a generic horror movie called “The Woods.” Ho-hum, right? But the hype completely changed at San Diego Comic-Con, where it was revealed that this was secretly a sequel called “Blair Witch.” Through this ingeniously cryptic marketing strategy, it became the movie nobody realized they wanted…until they saw it, and realized it was actually the movie they knew they didn’t want. Despite the attempt to up the stakes and expand on the mythologies, it just ends up a dull, nearly incomprehensible retread.

Twenty years ago, three college students went missing in the forest of Burkittsville, Maryland while attempting to document the legend of the Blair Witch. Now apparently new footage of their doomed excursion has surfaced on YouTube; a man named James (James Allen McCune), whose sister Heather was one of the students, believes she might be in the footage, so he, his friend Peter (Brandon Scott), Peter’s girlfriend Ashley (Corbin Reid), and film student Lisa (Callie Hernandez), who wants to make a documentary, journey out into the woods to find out what happened to her. First they meet up with locals Lane (Wes Robinson) and Talia (Valorie Curry), who uploaded the footage; they tag along on the trip, which naturally goes very wrong. They hear spooky noises at night, find the familiar stick figures outside their tents the next day, and realize that they’ve somehow become lost with no way back to their cars, and are now being terrorized by unseen forces. Sounds familiar, right?

Okay, to be fair, this isn’t exactly like the original movie; for starters, the choice of why these people are out here is maybe the only one that makes sense given the concept. So the whole Blair Witch story is just occasionally relayed in snippets, with the focus more on Heather. Obviously, the technology is different; they even bring a drone to film above the trees, and there’s a whole subplot about time not functioning properly, where it can be daytime but still look dark—sounds like Alaska—or whole days can pass for one group, but it might only be a few hours for the other group; it at least starts out as a pretty disorienting development. But it doesn’t amount to much; it’s basically a lot of the same bullet points with what the characters find, like the figures and the rocks and walking in a straight path only to find themselves back where they started. Maybe some of the details are a little different, but as far as the story going from Point A to Point B, it’s almost entirely the same, just with some events in a different order and the pacing much poorer.

For as irritating as the characters in the original could be, they at least felt fleshed-out and real, and it made you wonder how you would react in their situation. But these ones all feel completely flat by comparison; the performances are hit or miss, but even the ones that are adequate are saddled by the characters themselves just having very little worth latching onto. James is determined, Lisa’s focused on the filming, Peter’s the skeptic, Ashley’s the one who hurts her foot, Lane and Talia are…just kind of weird. Their reactions to the fear scenes are decent, but they don’t really do anything that noteworthy; I always remember Heather’s breakdown to the camera in the original’s climax, where she’s so afraid she doesn’t even want to close her eyes and also so guilty for being the catalyst, there was just so much depth and emotion. Nothing here even comes close to that, especially since the dialogue isn’t very good, with some of the lines just coming across as cheesy and scripted; that doesn’t work in found footage, which is presented in a pretty shoddy manner.

Much like in “Diary of the Dead,” the editing and audio are way too clean to feel like something made by a bunch of amateurs, yet it also goes the opposite route by having the camera shake so much, you can’t even make out what’s happening. The scares themselves are very mediocre; there are some nice atmospheric moments with characters walking around in the dark, but in general it just feels overproduced, showing much more in the way of special effects that don’t even look good. It becomes especially tedious going through the same motions as the original, even coming down to having a finale in the same house, only longer and goofier. I actually found myself almost longing for the inanity of “Book of Shadows,” because for as stupid as it was, it was at least more memorable and concise. This is just stale and doesn’t do enough with its concept to even warrant existing; it wants to go bigger but also plays it a little too safe.

It’s a shame, because I wanted to like this movie; the fact that it went to such lengths to surprise people about its status is commendable in this day and age. Some of the ideas have potential, like Lane and Talia faking the initial stick figure stunt; that’s an opportunity for commentary about the modern trend of manufacturing bullshit for online attention. But when it all comes down to it, it’s just the same old stuff we’ve seen before done better. I remember reading that Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez, creators of the original, were attempting to make their own sequel, and at least being curious about the idea; but their script was scrapped, and Lionsgate Films eventually went in this direction, although they still get an executive producer credit. The numbers say that “Blair Witch” did well, but with all the money and effort that went into the marketing, it was considered a disappointment. This really isn’t an awful movie, but it’s not worth investing your time into either.

My rating: 4.5/10