The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) review

4. The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Directed by: Coleman Francis

Produced by: Anthony Cardoza, Coleman Francis, Roland Morin, Jim Oliphant, Larry Aten, Bing Stafford

Screenplay by: Coleman Francis

Starring: Tor Johnson, Douglas Mellor, Barbara Francis, Bing Stafford, Conrad Brooks

I’ve talked before about Ed Wood and his legacy as one of the ineptest film directors to ever live, despite boundless enthusiasm and passion; but today’s film, “The Beast of Yucca Flats,” was made by someone said to be even worse. His name was Coleman Francis, a part-time actor who decided what he really wanted to do was direct, so he teamed up with welder Anthony Cardoza, and they created three low-cost films together during the 1960s, all of which would eventually be panned and mocked on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” decades later. Today’s film was the first, and the only one considered horror, specifically about a monster born from atomic radiation. As I said yesterday, I think the worst movie ever made has no redeeming or watchable value, and contains no joy in experiencing. This film is much more deserving of that title than “Plan 9 from Outer Space.” It’s awkward, amateurish, cynical, pretentious, stupid and boring.

Taking place at the height of the Cold War, the story begins with a Soviet Union scientist named Joseph Javorsky (Tor Johnson), who’s defected from the USSR, arriving in the nuclear test region of Yucca Flats, Nevada with military secrets. A shootout occurs between Javorsky’s American contacts and a pair of KGB assassins, so he escapes into the desert, where an explosion from a nuclear test takes place, transforming him into a mindless, murderous beast. His rampage runs afoul of the Radcliffe family vacationing nearby, consisting of father Hank (Douglas Mellor), mother Lois (Barbara Francis) and sons Randy and Art (Ronald & Alan Francis). So they’re in a race to escape the Beast, while local police officers Archer (Bing Stafford) and Dobson (Larry Sten) are on the hunt for him.

So the plot doesn’t sound especially egregious; it’s a typical B-movie of the time period, dumb and harmless, right? Well, when you actually try to watch it, you’ll catch on quickly to why it’s such a chore. None of the actors look invested; the shootout in the first act is edited with no energy or urgency due to the poor framing and pacing, and when Javorsky runs away from the action, he looks more like a drunk man staggering around swatting at flies. Everybody just appears bored, and they aren’t even given much opportunity to act because this movie was filmed without sound. Everything you hear—dialogue, gun shots, wind, etc.,--was dubbed in post-production, so you get a lot of sights of characters covering their mouths, having music play over them while their lips move, or hearing someone else talk off screen.

I can understand budget limitations hindering what filmmakers want to do, but there are more creative or aesthetically pleasing ways to get around them than just saying “we’ll take care of it in post.” So it’s extremely frustrating hearing this flat, uninteresting dialogue either from someone we can’t see, or with their back facing the camera, or positioned far back in the shot. How can we get any sense of what’s going on when we’re given nobody to visually connect with? Most of the lines are spoken by an omniscient narrator, and it’s all just repetitive, unnecessary drivel. Lame spiels about scientific and natural advancement, occurrences we already know happened, or such cliché gems as “Doctors can’t help her. Maybe angels, but not doctors.” It’s hardly even a three-act story, just a bunch of random scenes with all the technique of an intro to filmmaking class, and that’s probably an insult to film students.

Nothing makes any sense at all; the international espionage aspect is almost immediately abandoned, Archer and Dobson nonsensically mistake Hank for the Beast—maybe they thought he was Hank McCoy—and shoot at him from a plane, Tor Johnson’s Javorsky barely looks at all monstrous, and I didn’t even mention the opening scene. It’s a totally pointless sequence where a woman (Lanell Cado) gets out of the shower—wearing heels for some reason—is strangled to death, and then presumably raped. It seems like it’d be Javorsky post-mutation, but it’s never referenced, and apparently was only added after filming because Francis liked nude scenes. Wow, what an unpleasantly scummy concept even by regularly exploitative standards.

Yeah, there’s no sense of ardor or devotion you’d find in Ed Wood films; “The Beast of Yucca Flats” is just dull, dreary, misanthropic trash, and I hate it. Once in a while, there might be a line read or scream odd enough to make you laugh, but there’s only one scene I can think of that feels sincere or worthy of any artistic merit, and it happened by complete accident. It’s at the very end when Javorsky has been shot and is lying on the ground dying; a rabbit comes up to him, and he gently caresses it before succumbing to his wounds. This is a nice little moment, but it only happened because a wild rabbit got into the shot, and Johnson just improvised from there. Props to him and the crew for recognizing what they had, but that’s all the credit I’ll give this movie. Mercifully, it’s very short, only clocking in at 54 minutes; but even that feels too long. I’m sorry if this review just comes across as angry, jaded ranting, but this atomic heap really deserves it; I suggest you avoid like it was nuclear waste.

My rating: 1.5/10