Zombie Strippers (2008) review

25. Zombie Strippers (2008)

Directed by: Jay Lee

Produced by: Andrew Golov, Angela J. Lee, Larry Schapiro

Screenplay by: Jay Lee

Starring: Robert Englund, Jenna Jameson, Penny Drake, Roxy Saint

You really want me to give this review a proper introduction? It’s a movie called “Zombie Strippers,” for crying out loud; that’s all the introduction you need. But what makes it stand out from other exploitation films of this variety? It stars Freddy Krueger himself Robert Englund and one-time “Queen of Porn” Jenna Jameson; the novelty of that casting can at least illicit some curiosity. Loosely inspired by the Eugène Ionesco play “Rhinoceros,” it’s about a dystopic future where a zombie virus escapes a laboratory and ends up infecting an underground strip club called Rhino, run by the sleazy Ian Essko (Englund) and featuring Kat (Jameson) as the star dancer. Though featuring occasionally humorous ideas and impressive gore, the initially campy premise soon deteriorates into a cringey farce that aims low and still comes up short.

The film opens with a news montage stating that George W. Bush has been elected to a fourth presidential term. The United States Congress has been disbanded, public nudity is banned, and the U.S. is in wars with several Middle East countries, along with Venezuela, Canada, and Alaska. With their military spread too thin, they enlist Dr. Chushfeld (Brad Milne) to develop a virus for re-animating dead soldiers and sending them back into battle. But the virus breaks containment, and when the Marines “Z” squad is sent in to destroy the zombies, the new member Byrdflough (Zak Kilberg) is bitten and escapes, ending up in the club. Soon after, he becomes a zombie and attacks Kat while she’s doing a dance; she turns as well, but ends up becoming a better and more popular dancer as a zombie. Seeing profit, Essko and his staff work to cover up the carnage, while the other strippers face the prospect of losing their customers unless they choose to become zombies as well, which only results in more mayhem.

Let’s get this out of the way; most of the performances are really bad. Englund is at least enjoyable in how much he overacts his role as a neurotic, cackling germaphobe, but a lot of these characters just come across as whiny or uncommitted. With that said, however, there is a decent mixture of different personalities and their motivations so we can at least somewhat tell them apart. In her brief screen time before becoming undead, Jameson kind of makes her scenes work as a seasoned veteran of her craft; also, I just find it funny that she reads a Friedrich Nietzsche book in her spare time. Aside from them, there’s new dancer Jessy (Jennifer Holland), who’s trying to raise money for her grandmother’s operation, Gothic rock stripper Lillith (Roxy Saint), who looks up to Kat, and the jealous Jeannie (Shamron Moore), who just wants to outdo her by any means necessary.

I won’t lie; the sight of beautiful women taking their clothes off is appealing to me, and adding this horrific undead variable to these dances is a neat bonus, despite how absurd it is that being undead can make you so freakishly athletic. But like most forms of entertainment, it starts to wear out its welcome after a while, and when it tries to incorporate CGI effects, it looks wretched. The make-up and gore are still pretty good, but so many of these gimmicks and stunts are just stupid; and in the end, what does it amount to? There’s some commentary that can be made about the price of success with how some of these women choose such a sacrifice, but it’s bogged down by dumb shit like supervisor Madame Blavatski (Carmit Levite) and her awful accent, Jessy’s annoying boyfriend Davis (Johnny D. Hawkes) spouting about purity but also being hot for her, and Paco (Joey Medina) the janitor making groan-worthy jokes about “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” Yeah, you really earned that badge there, script.

Oh, and there’s also the sporadic, random reminder that “Z” squad is still around, resulting in a ridiculous, gaudy action sequence with the zombies that probably seemed awesome on paper, but the terrible dialogue, cheap graphics, and pathetic attempts at philosophical and political satire really wear you down before long. Characters will just come to certain revelations, often nihilistic, completely out of nowhere, and trying to connect it with military protocols and government coverups is such a phony undertaking. Some of the movies I’ve reviewed this month get more fun as they go on, but “Zombie Strippers” just gets worse, taking a premise that could’ve been fun in a low-rent, grindhouse kind of way, and turning it into something smarmy and even kind of ugly. Once in a while, there’s a funny or titillating moment, but even by low debauchery standards, this is not my idea of a good time.

My rating: 3.5/10